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Living alone. The last months i have been living alone, its good having someone that knows me and someone i know, yet then its good to be movin’ along tracks i make, with being creative with songs. I’ve not got back to the point where i reckon single life is best though. Couples must live longer and have a better way, yet its hard to have grown together, then the brake. Some move on easier than others, a change of cloths at the intesection.

I read that 41 percent of people in Tokyo live alone, 50 percent of people in Moscow live alone and the average American lives half their adult life alone. Its bad ecology to live alone though, its not economical, more gas, electricity ect.

Being single i’m getting to know me again, even if its partly through the eyes of what was us. How to love without that love around, how to know that that was true without leaving, how to make new? What is true from one point might not be from another, time travels different when things change. Its hard when the other person is a world away, or at least on the other side of the world, as it is through these eyes, and also when i was worlds away from what was us when the ship shed it sails to the sky.

Doin’ yoga, body balance, swimming, acipuncture, heap of vitamins, towards meditation. New sails even if they be the same.

work life balance

Originally uploaded by jamtea

tower sydney city centre point

Originally uploaded by jamtea

thought to take a picture of the tower when in the city, from where the film festival is on at.

The Australian government just ordered 10 million shots for the flu (so i heard), that’s probably a lot of money for the drug company that creates that product. It creates a not so great situation though, if the flu was to escalate and many many people were effected, or if people were unable to live without getting a shot. It would give the drug company that created the solution a huge amount of power. Sure copyright law creates the incentive to find the cure, yet who can say what disease/flu might be created for financial reward.

Its kind of hard, i have spent the last 5 years doing all my own booking, mostly. Now i’m in a situation where i reckon i can have a booker, yet i’m still hesitant as to weather a booker can really do much. Even in Europe it seems that most of the bookers are regional, so its not like they are able to move and groove from place to place out of what they know, as everything is special, from region to region. I liked being able to go from Venue to venue and just doing shows and find other venues around to do shows in. Part of the problem with not having a booker and DIY 100 percent is that venue owners get the vibe that your not good at what you do, yet mostly they are the venues owners/workers with no idea of the reality of the industry of songs, also most of the gigs in Europe have some element of cultural funding, as an outsider tallent does not mean much. I’m still convinced that real artists have to do everything themselves upto the point where they earn the means to pay others, often bookers want exclusive deals in places where they are not even booking gigs. Its all kind of weird. It seems better to outsource someone or find a dedicated fan, yet so many people have liked what i do at gigs and then thought that they can get involved in booking me shows, it all turns on its head though and then you loose a great fan. Is a good artist good at art or good at networking? where is the balance?

At the moment my own health and well-being says, take it easy. The only music business i know is the one that i created through my own efforts, the rest seems mostly fraud, yet i spose networking is a bit like that in everything.

the silence fits the mould
caved zoo of mind is scattered with the trash on the street
everywhere i look i see colours that remind me
remind remind remind
a glitch in the blanket called the night
stretched out lost diget
recording flckers the same line of the same song
same same same

move forward on

This is a lo-fi version using webcam at home.

All my equipment is not so set up and i don’t have my camera or anything to make clips or record a better live sound, this is reocrded with guitar and just through a small hole mic on the mac, with me sitting in front of the computer with guitar. The seperation is not so bad, yet its also not sounding as good as it could, lo-fi seems a good place to start for a new recording.

mp3.com.au/Thewindthatputadimondonthemoon

mp3.com.au/Thewindthatputadimondonthemoon

I’ve been swimming more and more laps of the pool every day. I swim almost every day, i never swam much before. The big change for me was when i bought some goggles, i’ve never used gogles when swimming, its a big difference. Follow the line and count the laps. I started off just doing breast stroke, now i do one freestyle and one breast stroke, alternate. Swimming as many as fifteen laps.

Been shoping at Paddy’s Markets, on Sunday late afternoon, they have to sell a lot of the fruit and veg, as the market closes for a couple of days. I can fill the fridge for about 15-20 dollars.

Have also been learning Czech language, one of the problem with living in the Czech republic was my language skills, when i move back to Europe, i figure that i have to know the language better. I created huge problems for myself living so long on and off in Prague and not knowing the language. I met a Czech woman at the pool and we meet 2-3 times a week, i help with her with conversation english skills and she helps me with Czech. I’ve even thought to try and sing one or two songs in Czech, so i have started to translate my newest songs into Czech.

For sure i’m the healthiest i have been for years, acipuncture, herbs, swimming, yoga- yet i’m really lost here in Sydney. For sure i can’t live here, yet its good to get back on track, thinking that each year i best spend 3 months in Australia. I also want to goto central Australia and capture some of the outback, so i figure to buy a bus or train ticket around Australia and goto work with video, as often i do my show with visuals and i lack Australian visuals for the show.

When i was in Norway for 10 months, i was into using the net, now i have really caved myself. I use the net, yet not like i used to. After all went pear to pear and then to trash, i kind of figure that i write my blog and thats about it. Although mostly these days I can’t hardly think what to write in my blog, as i seem to flickr from everything to nothing within a breath, then i’m not able to capture that middle ground so easy. Its like a great blur or a time tunnel, its like 4 months in 2 minutes and then a slow pain. I keep on thinking the pain is a physical problem, so i have been getting fit, sometimes i’m distracted enough to beleive that its the way i sit or walk, or play guitar. Other times it just feels like i threw my heart on the stars and it got stuck on the roof and then i was moved to another room.

I have not joined a gym in my life, yet the facility that is just a stop or two away on the tram is not so much to be a member and i’m not locked in for more than two weeks. Most of the centres in the Czech republic seemed, maybe? owned by big business, this Aqua park is funded via the city of Sydney, so even though the average income in Czech is little lower than here, the Aqua park with all Gym facilities costs a lot less than what it would cost in Prague. Have been to Yoga twice already and also been using the Saunna and doing a couple of laps, have not got into all the exercise machines, the fitness centre really seems to take my mind away from things. I’ve started to write about my times in Hamberg being homeless and all the madness that went with it, it seems to want to find some paper/digits. Its strange for me to think that i was in that frame of mind not so long ago, now i create much less stress, yet i’m still down about my/the situation.

Where does the compromise rest: for me as songwriter, i have been driven to do heaps of different jobs, once i worked in the money market, many times i washed dish’s and i play a song where i can.
Its a kind of different path I have made for myself over the last 10 years though. Now being back in Sydney after being in Prague on and off over 4/5 years plus a lot of other places, i seem to be reflecting on almost every thing that fits into the path. Partly i feel all upside down and pear shaped, yet everything is starting to take a bit more shape, have been back almost a month.

The culture here seems more insecure, or maybe its just me, the Czechs really don’t seem to have a problem with who they are, for the most, be that a godo or bad thing, who can say. Yet second, third, forth, fifth, generation culture around Sydney, seem to have big issue’s with all the change, like net, media and other cultures moving ways in this way. Yet i did not pay much attention to the media in Czech cause my Czech language skills were not so great.

Europe seems filled with different ways, places and a lot more man made history that continues continues to drive how things are, it seems. Australia has a lot of different races, yet the underlying culture seems as conservative as anywhere. Its a lot about sport and being the best and its nationalistic here.

Yet then Prague seems an Island to Czech, as does Vienna to Austria, as Paris to France, from a cultural point; as Australia to New Zealandar, as Sydney to Melbourne, yet mostly only people in Melbourne seem to coment on how much better Melbourne is than Sydney, sometimes Sydney seems a light in itself, as is Prague. Yet Sydney seems way more multi-cultural, yet everything still seems more like a stereo.

It seems that heaps of differences separate all the people, all the places comparing themselves to the main centres, yet then things differing from place to place, comparing each other to closest mecca, maybe? Then i’m thinking how different it must be for a Czech girl to be working on the check out counter here in Sydney and having to smile, and thinking how in the Czech republic no check out person gives half a smile and the customer service is not so great, yet there is always another level of comfort that i’m never going to get about Czech’s, cause i was not born in the place.

Then i’m thinking back to all the generalizations and conclusions drawn between the lines. Lots of people seem scared to be pushed to the side or minimalized, yet people wants to be special, don’t they. Then someone says that women in New York are so straight forward, and i’m thinking how strong Australian women are, yet then i’m thinking of how strong central European women are, with all the history. Then i get handed a flyer that says “i took action for Justine Marika”, via Amnesty on a business card and give up my email. Then i get to thinking how google are number crunching, what article is going to show up when i google the name, i get to an article that skims around the edges, yet confirms the truth, yet Amnesty wanted me give a donation and i feel the only change i can make is to blog her name. As the email followed up with the phone slides through the door.

Then i think how non-specific the whole charty system is and how the people working at Amnesty are a part of the same thing that is a problem. Then the mind kicks into a cold play song “am i part of the problem or part of the disease”, that is spinning as i approach the check out counter.

Maybe i’m just thinking things out to much back in Sydney.

city of Sydney is high rise, the city Prague is low rise, its interesting how it effects the whole place and maybe/probably the way people think/feel/act, the suburbs seem huge and go for-ever in Sydney and the city sky line is kind of special, for sure its hard for me to get used to living again in a high rise city, i want to be back in Prague with the low rise less rat race vibe, yet i’m doing time here at the moment.

days slip slowly through the bridges clocks and walkways when does the pain end and a new light shine.

Its interesting that Pirate bay has been fined. The situation is wierd because in essence the torrent promote the ideas of the big films (so some statistics show, i heard), the problem is/might be, that people are not making films and sharing the idea with people around, and are driven to the media, then the community can’t get a show to happen that does not involve parts of what is already established.